In slightly belated honour of our second anniversary, we’ve got new items available in the Store. To ensure that you have as many possible items and styles to choose from, we’re introducing new designs one at a time.
First up, a fun new design from Patrick. Now you can show your Cold Iron Pride and warn your friends of the dangers of gingerbread abuse. At the same time, even!
You can check out the new design on lots of cool items in the store!
We figure that if you’re following Cold Iron Badge that you’re all smart people*. So you understand the economics: We provide Cold Iron Badge to you for free, but our costs aren’t zero.
Now, we do have merchandise available – via the Store tab above – although we recognize that not everyone wants to wear a Bunny Mayhem t-shirt.
So this month, we’re trying something a little bit different, and offering you a new way to get something cool, and help us at the same time: The Cold Iron Badge Sponsorship program.
We have three levels of sponsorship: The House of Straw level, the House of Sticks level and the House of Bricks level. All of them come with some awesome stuff.
We’re launching our sponsorship drive, and doing a big push this month, but the option will remain open in the future, and we’ll keep the names of our generous sponsors listed on the site.
To become a sponsor, just click on the ‘Become a Sponsor’ tab above; it leads to a page with a Paypal tool you can use to become a sponsor at whatever level works best for you.
Of course, if you’d rather buy merchandise, or would like to donate a smaller amount, we still welcome your filthy lucre and you have our deepest thanks.
House of Straw Sponsor ($10 – $19.99)
Members of the illustrious House of Straw will receive…
Cold Iron Badge Wallpaper Option 1 - The Cast
House of Sticks Sponsor ($20 – $49.99)
Members of the slightly-more-prestigious House of Sticks
Cold Iron Badge Wallpaper Option 2 - Christine in Action
House of Bricks Sponsor (from $50 to “Happily Ever After”)
The members of the illustrious House of Bricks get some heavy-duty perks to make up for all those bricks they had to carry. You know, metaphorically speaking.
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The Fine Print
* Also, and this should go without saying, attractive, talented and with impeccable taste. Obviously.
** What do we mean by a “paragraph”? Exactly that. Stephen will write a brief piece of original prose on a subject of your choice, usually no more than 100 words in standard paragraph format, unless he really warms to the subject. This will be sent electronically.
*** A “sketch” in this case is a black-and-white image of a single character from Cold Iron Badge, on 8 1/2 by 11 paper. This will be sent electronically and, if you forward us your information, in hard copy as well, at no extra charge.
**** You can have a character named after yourself, or make up a name, but we reserve the right to refuse names that are offensive or otherwise inappropriate and ask you for another option. You can specify generally what sort of character you want (e.g. good guy, bad guy, victim) but we’ll decide how to fit them in to the story. We retain all rights to the character.
MURDER (34 COUNTS), CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT MURDER, NARCOTICS DISTRIBUTION, ILLEGAL SORCERY, HUMAN TRAFFICKING, FAE TRAFFICKING, POSSESSION OF ILLEGAL MAGICAL ARTIFACTS
Image of Alias Nobody from security camera footage of the Puck Massacre
DESCRIPTION:
Date of Birth: N/A
Place of Birth: Fairyland
Height: c. 6′ 5′
Weight: c. 250 pounds
Build: Muscular
Occupation: Unknown
Scars and Marks: N/A
Hair: None
Eyes: Unknown
Complexion: Grey
Sex: Male
Species: Fae/Sidhe
Nationality: Fae
Remarks: Alias Nobody is most often sighted in connection with sale or trade in Pixie Dust. His Earthly activities are primarily connected with the Greater Vancouver area.
Alias Nobody is sought for numerous murders in connection with his leadership of a group actively attempting to control the Fairyland-Vancouver trade in Pixie Dust and unregistered magical artifacts and smuggling of nonhumans across the Border. Eyewitness accounts confirm his presence at and alleged leadership of the Puck Massacre that killed three Borderland Guard officers and fourteen innocent bystanders. He is reputed to be an expert sorceror and skilled swordsman and is usually armed with a sword.
CONSIDERED ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. DO NOT APPROACH.
If you have any information concerning this being, please contact your local Borderland Guard Detachment or any local law enforcement branch.
VALE, MYSTI
Rank: Private citizen; consultant
Badge #: N/A
Mysti Vale
Mysti Vale is a private citizen who consults with the Borderland Guard on issues relating to magic and to people, places and events in both Near and Deeper Fairyland…
… has been suggested that “Mysti Vale” is a use-name, however a person of that name and matching the Subject’s description appears in some public records predating the Beltane Event… her true name is unknown…
… refers to herself as a sorceress, and is one of a very small number of humans to openly practice magic that goes beyond the level of simple folk wards, charms and fortune-telling…
… important to remember that magic practiced by humans occupies an unforeseen grey area in law and is technically not illegal at the present time, although the current government…
… first volunteered her services to the Guard in a changeling/kidnapping case three years ago…
… Two years ago… intervened to rescue a goblin who had crossed the Border illegally from lynching at the hands of human vigilantes…
… Numerous arrrests for unauthorized Border crossings. In each instance, subject was actively involved in an ongoing investigation and no charges were laid…
…Arrrested and charged with magical assault on a peace officer… Crown Attorney was forced to drop all charges after key witnesses recanted their testimony. And forgot their names. Magical influence is suspected but could not be proven…
… shows a keen interest in a wide range of Fae beings, but is consistently verbally abusive to Sidhe…
Little more is known with certainty regarding the Subject, but rumour runs wild, both within the Guard and from Fae informants… One source insists that “Mysti Vale” is more than one person…
… reported to have learned sorcery from Oberon himself… or to be “faking it” and not know any magic at…
… said to know many secret ways in and out of Fairyland… incited a slave revolt in a small Sidhe kingdom… lives entirely on tea, green M&Ms and watercress sandwiches…
Mysti lives in Vancouver with her cat Mousetrap.
PSYCH EVALUATION: As per Borderland Guard policy, a psychological evaluation was required before the subject could be approved as a consultant… four attempted evaluations by four different departmental psychologists… first evaluator spent the majority of the session talking about his mother. The second succeeded in quitting smoking following a brief discussion with the subject. The third started smoking. The fourth psychologist managed to conduct a full interview but the report in its entirety stated: “Please don’t make me talk to her again.”
SKILLS: … Speaks many languages, both Earthly and Fae… Licensed private investigator, immigration consultant and hairdresser…
SUNNYDALE, SIR DELRIC
Rank: Knight of the Seelie Court (Fairyland); Detective-Lieutenant (Honourary); Civilian Member (rank equivalent for security clearance)
Badge #: N/A
Sir Delric is the first official liaision between the Seelie Court and the Borderland Guard…
The role of liaision… better integrate the Seelie Court with the Borderland Guard… encourage cooperation in securing the Border and preventing cross-Border incursions from either side… increase goodwill and understanding…
… Role was initially proposed by Captain David Redman… discussions within the Guard… moved forward despite objections from… consultations with the provincial government… the federal government… Department of National Defence… CSIS… agreement among stakeholders… opened negotiations with the Fae…
… Lengthy process, complicated by the fact that the Seelie Court insisted that discussions take place exclusively by messenger bird and in iambic pentameter…
… rank of Detective-Lieutenant in the Borderland Guard is honourary and he should not be considered to be in the chain of command…
… He has no authority to arrest on the Canadian side of the Border… the full scope of his authority over Fae as a Knight of the Seelie Court is not fully understood, but should be understood to be limited to Fairyland…
… important to remember that we are still not clear on what his role and status actually mean to the Fae, either as liaison or as a knight… still unknown whether the Fae mirror human concepts and institutions, or mimic them…
… His proofs, which appear legitimate, describe him as a representative of King Oberon… not considered to have diplomatic credentials…
… a conventional medical examination was not consented to by the subject, and might not have provided useful information regardless… one arm appears to be weak, attenuated and highly restricted in mobility… when questioned, the subject described this as the result of a curse bestowed on him during his youth, and noted that it’s always wise to be courteous to strangers met on a journey, “Because you never know.”
PSYCH EVALUATION: … subject stated that his “dour and serious nature” made him the ideal candidate for his mission… jumped on top of my desk while re-enacting his recent battle with “a three-headed ogre”, then tried to teach me to dance the gavotte… also, if “fishmonger” means what I think it does, he was hitting on me…
SKILLS: Hand-to-hand combat/swordsmanship… dancing…
“MAYHEM, BUNNY”
Rank: Detective-Constable
Badge Number: 00024438
Detective-Constable Bunny Mayhem
“Bunny Mayhem” is the pseudonym (most members of the Borderland Guard prefer the term “use-name”) of [REDACTED]. Her enlistment under a nom de guerre was approved by [REDACTED].
Born in [REDACTED], the youngest child of [REDACTED], to a family with a long tradition of [REDACTED]… in high school she met [REDACTED] … typical adolescent rebellion was exacerbated by [REDACTED]… joined him in [REDACTED]…
Had a profound change of heart regarding her family heritage when [REDACTED] was [REDACTED] following [REDACTED]… this event also appears to have activated her latent [REDACTED], although she was unaware of this at the time.
Following this re-evaluation of her life and goals she abandoned [REDACTED] which appears to have caused a painful rift with [REDACTED]…
Attended [REDACTED]… graduated in the top ten percent of her class and followed through on her long-stated plan to join [REDACTED]…
On her first day of [REDACTED] she attempted to single-handledly [REDACTED] while her [REDACTED] was buying lunch… The conflict triggered a more severe incident of her [REDACTED] which lead to [REDACTED]; Bunny was unharmed but the [REDACTED] suffered serious injuries and the [REDACTED] escaped.
Faced with the prospect of her career ending before it ever really began, Bunny requested a transfer to the Borderland Guard… initially declined due to [REDACTED], she appealed and her transfer was approved by Captain David Redman…
Assigned to Detective-Lieutenant Christine McCall’s team tasked with the apprehension of Alias Nobody. Current partner is Detective-Sergeant Ray Donovan…
PSYCH EVALUATION: An interesting case. This officer’s demeanour belies her intelligence, capabilities, and perhaps most importantly, her drive. It will be key for her superiors to keep in mind that her experiences, particularly [REDACTED], have left her with an almost desperate desire to prove herself. This could lead to rash actions in the field in the heat of the moment. She is superficially very open, and so friendly that it was some time before I realized that she was deflecting any questions relating to [REDACTED]. With these elements in mind, caution is recommended in using this officer in situations involving [REDACTED].
SKILLS: Ranks highly in evidence handling techniques… marksmanship… acoustic and electric guitar…
This document has been redacted for reasons of [REDACTED] on the authority of [REDACTED].
DONOVAN, RAYMOND EUSTACE MITCHELL
Rank: Detective-Sergeant
Badge Number 00001948
Detective-Sergeant Ray Donovan
Born in London, Ontario, the only child of Peter and Sandra Donovan… swallowed a safety pin…. swallowed an eraser… suffered a minor concussion in the back yard; he told his parents that he was “chasing a talking bug” that hit him with a rock… after repeated hospitalizations, an investigation by Children’s Aid determined that he was “just accident-prone”… parents divorced when he was 13… graduated an Ontario Scholar despite missing an unusually high number of school days due to minor injuries… at 16, reported seeing a UFO; was cited for underaged drinking…
University of Western Ontario… major in History… incomplete… moved to Toronto…. obtained Ontario Private Investigator’s License… went into business as a private investigator, but appears to have had few clients and mainly worked as a “secret shopper”.
According to independently verified reports, his office was in a building that was at the epicentre of the local eruption of Fairyland during the Beltane Event… trapped in debris… captured or rescued by a troop of goblins… declared their King… successfully negotiated a “peace treaty” with Canadian Forces and Toronto Police personnel… his “subjects” revolted… escaped, but without pants…
Invited to join the nascent Borderland Guard by… posted to Windsor detachment, partnered with Detective-Sergeant John King… injured in the line of duty… fortunate that no one was killed… unable to retrieve the car from the river in one piece… transferred… Montreal… partner commended for arrest of the giant Jack In Irons… Ray was unable to attend due to self-inflicted gunshot wound… transferred…. Halifax… self-inflicted stapler wound… Red Deer… not able to explain how the wand became stuck there in the first place… transferred… transferred…
Transferred to Vancouver detachment at the invitation of Captain David Redman. Assigned to Detective-Lieutenant Christine McCall’s team tasked with the apprehension of Alias Nobody. Current partner is Detective-Constable “Bunny Mayhem”…
Holds the Borderland Guard record for number of injuries sustained in the line of duty without actually being killed in the line of duty… Holds the Borderland Guard record for number of partners without having partners killed or injured in the line of duty… Holds the Borderland Guard record for number of transfers between detachments… Holds the Borderland Guard record for shortest term of service at a single detachment, following his 9:00 – 10:46 AM stint in Kingston, Ontario… transferred following the Jelly Donut Incident…
PSYCH EVALUATION: It has often been said that the Borderland Guard tends to attract oddballs, and in this Detective-Sergeant Donovan is surely the rule that proves the exception. Apparently, his life was fraught with the unusual, long before the Beltane Event. He appears to wholeheartedly agree with the scuttlebutt that names him as a jinx. This has lead to a certain amused cynicism and world-weariness that is balanced by a remarkable ability to persevere in the face of adversity. And even for one of us, he’s unflappable… the man’s CWS quotient is higher than anyone I’ve ever scored, and that includes Chris McCall. That being said, kindly keep this spurking Jonah away from my office in the future. He got my favourite pen jammed up his nose — while filling out paperwork, don’t ask me how. My wife gave me that pen for our anniversary, you know.
SKILLS: Ranks highly in research and investigative techniques… first aid… CWS quotient…
MCCALL, CHRISTINE CATHERINE
Rank: Detective-Lieutenant
Badge Number 00001426
Detective-Lieutenant Christine McCall
Born in Chatham (now Miramichi) New Brunwick to a family with deep roots in the community. Seventh child of David and Catherine McCall. Older siblings David Junior, Duncan, Wayne, Paul, Brendan and James…
Attended University of New Brunswick… attended Ontario Police College…
Joined Vancouver Police Department… commended… commended… promoted… transferred to Emergency Response Team (tactical squad)… commended… promoted… commended… Provided testimony to public inquiry following failed hostage rescue operation… promotion denied… promotion denied…
Deployed with VPD personnel to secure and patrol the Border with Fairyland following the Beltane Event… received commendation for timely and decisive action to prevent an incursion by hostile Fae by offering to stand in single combat against their champion… Witnesses reported that when the Fae champion, an ogre, stepped forward, she looked at him and said, “Is that all you’ve got?” To this day, members of the Borderland Guard refer to the single combat approach as “McCalling them out”, but only if you win… also commended for her use of non-violent conflict resolution skills in subsequent peaceful contact with Fairies… drinking a leprechaun under the table is still called “pulling a Christine…”
Upon organization of the Borderland Guard, Captain David Redman personally requested that she enlist… rapid promotion… now one of three Detective-Lieutenants with the Vancouver Detachment and considered the senior field officer…
Psych Evaluation: Driven… loyal… stubborn… creative solutions to problems… outstanding leadership skills in missions that fall within her skill set…
Update: URGENT. Lt. McCall is showing signs of post-traumatic stress, anger-management issues, instability and possible alcohol abuse in the wake of the Puck Massacre and the deaths of Detective-Sergeant Art Johnson, Detective-Constable Charles Kay and Detective-Constable Geoff De Lint… Recommend compassionate leave of absence with mandatory therapy…
DECLINED: Lt. McCall is cleared for resumption of regular duties…
SKILLS: Ranks highly in unarmed combat, armed combat, marksmanship, riding, improvisational rhyme, ballroom dancing…